Janis Spindel: Life After Divorce: Sex

Life after divorce is complicated for most, especially when it comes to sex. Sex is a complex and complicated thing and means different things to different people. More specifically, men and women view sex in different ways. I like to think of it like this: Women are emotional and men are analytical.

Since women are emotional, everything they do depends on how they think it will make them feel. They over think everything they do. So when it comes to sex, one can only imagine the millions of things that are racing through their minds. Putting divorce aside, it is unusual for a woman to be able to have sex with no strings attached. When a woman has sex with someone, she usually assumes that whatever relationship she has with the guy is about to become a lot more serious. That is because for women, sex means something serious. Sex comes with emotions that relate to seriously caring about someone. It isn't something that can just be done without any attachments.

After divorce, sex becomes even more complex, especially since she has (or has not, for that matter) been having sex with the same person for an extended period of time. If she has been cheating on her husband, the situation might be a little different but for the most part, women are going to be a little wary of jumping into bed with a guy right away. It makes total sense for a woman to want to sleep around after being in a marriage for so long, but she needs to make sure that she is emotionally ready to do so, especially if her husband has been unfaithful. If a woman has sex with a guy right away and he sees it as just sex and nothing more, she is bound to get hurt. That is why a woman must be emotionally ready to have casual sex, otherwise she may get hurt.

For men, the idea of sex is very different. It's been said that "men don't always think with their brain." Men are very analytical and they view sex as exactly what it is: a form of pleasure. So if they have been in a marriage that was lacking sex, they are going to want to "sow their oats" and have sex. Having random, no strings attached sex is much easier for them because they do not relate sex to emotions. After divorce, a man will likely be just as distraught as a woman, but he will, in most cases, be able to differentiate between emotion and pleasure. Even if he and his ex had been having sex in their marriage, he will most likely want to experience different types of sex with different women after the split.

Men are simple; they like sex. I am not encouraging men to go out and have a lot of random sexual partners and hurt women in the process. I believe that having casual sex can be a good thing for people after divorce, especially if they have been in a sexless marriage. But, both men and women need to agree hat it will be casual -- that way no one gets hurt.

Remember, men are analytical and women are emotional. So before anyone goes out and has casual sex, it needs to be obvious that this is something that will probably only happen once or twice. Casual sex is just that -- casual. It isn't intended for anything more serious than that. Both parties to need make sure that they understand the difference between emotions and pleasure. As I said, because of women's DNA it may be a little more difficult for them than it is for men.

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Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janis-spindel/post_3536_b_1625608.html

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