There is a book that I suggest to many people when they have relationship problems, and it doesn't matter if it's work or personal relationship problems this book will help. Check out The 5 Love Languages?by Gary Chapman. He's actually written a number of variations on his original book to tailor the messages with different groups, one being in the workplace. One of Chapman's follow up books, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, is geared towards expressing appreciation towards your coworkers/staff in a way that is meaningful to them, which in turn builds relationships, understanding, and overall increases workplace satisfaction.
Chapman teams up with Dr. Paul White in the workplace edition to discuss appropriate ways to express the five languages, which are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, tangible gifts, and physical touch. I'm sure you've just cringed a little with that last one, but below you'll find some suggestions on how this communication theory can work well even in the workplace. The key message to remember when successfully implementing this method of communication, with anyone, is to know what his/her preferred language of appreciation?is and then finding appropriate ways to show this appreciation towards him/her.
5 Languages of Appreciation
It can be hard to determine how others want to be treated, especially if you don't know the person very well. Some people have just asked their coworkers a simple question like, "What's something I/the office could do to show our appreciation for you and your hard work?" You could also try identifying with their current stress level first like, "I've noticed you've been working very hard on that project and I know I would feel overwhelmed with it. Is there anything I can do to help you?" You can also make some suggestions like bringing them coffee or assisting with a small portion of the project. ?This can help you determine if they appreciate tangible gifts or acts of service. Once you've determined their preferred language here are a few options to demonstrate your appreciation to them:
- Words of Affirmation - write a small note and leave it on their computer;?submit kudos to HR on someone's behalf,?if the company has a "Good?Samaritan"?type program; acknowledge his/her hard word at the end of a staff meeting or when that project comes up in the itinerary
- Quality Time - offer your coworker an open door if they ever need to talk; go to lunch with him/her and make sure you spend time talking about his/her concerns and not yourself; remember why people go on vacation or have special events and take 5-10 minutes to talk with him/her about what's been happening
- Acts of Service?- offer to help him/her with their project; if you know it's his/her responsibility to do something on a regular basis and you see it's not getting done offer to do that for them
- Tangible Gifts?- bring in homemade cookies for the whole office, but reserve a couple for the coworker who values tangible gifts and deliver it personally; offer to buy him/her lunch; find out what their favorite mid-afternoon snack is and bring it for them on occasion
- Physical Touch?- high-fives, handshakes, pat on the back, and fist bumps are all appropriate ways to demonstrate appreciation through physical touch at work. Just make sure you use them in a way that makes sense to the other person, because if he/she doesn't know why you're giving them a high-five then the appreciation message has been lost.
INTROVERTED-SENSING-FEELING-PERCEIVING (ISFP)
After giving you a fair background on The 5 Love Languages?it's time to talk more about ISFPs and why I'm suggesting they consider their current work relationships and how they work. ?Everyone, can benefit from Chapman's theory of communication but as I was reviewing ISFPs and reading about their strengths and weaknesses I thought that his book was very relevant.
ISFPs have some amazing strengths when it comes to personal relationships, like being a very trusting and flexible individual with others. ?They are very cooperative, loyal, and focused on needs of others which leads them to being great friends and very insightful when it comes to relationships. ISFPs are very perceptive of others' and their own emotional needs and feelings and shows their commitment to others through their actions. They definitely live by the motto that actions speak louder than words.
There are weaknesses, of course, as with everyone, and often these weaknesses are actually when ISFPs allow their strengths of perception to take advantage of others. Because ISFPs are so aware of others' emotions and what is important to individuals sometimes it can lead to manipulation in a relationship. While they may not see it as manipulation, others might. Also, since Feeling is as strong component of ISFPs, conflict management is not a strength. When you combine the Feeling with Perceiving it can be a recipe for poor or lack of decision making, too. The 5 Love Languages?discusses the importance of understanding other people's communication preferences which can be very helpful with conflict management and decision making.
Some suggestions for ISFP personalities
- Reflect on alternative ways to make decisions and even find out how others process decision making
- Use The 5 Love Languages?to understand the others in your workplace and use that knowledge as a means to help resolve conflict in the office
- Continue to offer support and understanding as many appreciate it
- As you develop your decision making skills, be sure to share your reasons for the decisions with all parties involved
- Stop trying to?persuade?solely through relationships
Source: http://ipfwcareer.blogspot.com/2012/08/mbti-series-isfp-work-relationships.html
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